I have found it unprecedentedly difficult to formulate the opening commentary to the following work. In fact this opening has been ever on my mind for two weeks now, and yet, I am still unsure of the words which should appear here. This is due to the nature of these openings. They are the fabric which binds together this series as a whole, or rather that is my intent for them.Read More
If memoir is an apple falling to the earth, then an essay is gravity.
As mentioned before, I eventually worked up the courage to drive to Des Moines and try my hand at stand up. I think I performed at The Funny Bone, but I can not be sure for memory is fickle. Regardless, I do remember the open mic being held in a small side room. There was a bar in the back and tables in semicircle round stage. I paid the five dollar cover and tossed my name and number in the sign-up bucket. I grabbed a beer, and slumped down at an unoccupied table. The locals gathered around the bar. They laughed and chatted til the main event began. The MC brought up one terrible act after another. This included a nervous guitar player and a crazy old man who shouted about LSD, football, and everything between.Read More
I believe the following piece was started, like many from this period, on a yellow legal pad while a professor lectured in front of me. Later I returned to my campus housing and typed up the page long essay instead of typing up a page long essay. I give you, Degenerate.Read More
As previously discussed, I spent very little of my time doing actual schooling at Iowa State. The majority of my time was spent drinking and obsessively watching stand up comedy. I have seen Ari Shaffir’s Passive Aggressive so many times I can quote it in full. I even tried my own hand at stand up. Well, sort of. I went to one stand up club meeting and they were all far to bland, ordinary and normal for my taste. I was hoping to find a group of wild no fucks given degenerates. Instead I found a classroom of engineering students editing each others stand up.Read More
Upon its origin the following piece was intended to be the introduction to a novella length memoir about my childhood life. I have repurposed it to serve as an introduction to this collection of memoirs and website as a whole. I feel it sets the appropriate tone for the stories to follow. It should be noted that in the following pieces I may speak in present tense about alcohol and drug consumption; this does not mean I am currently consuming drugs, but rather I was consuming such substances at the time when the piece was created. I feel this is necessary to point this out because, as later pieces will reveal, drug consumption developed into, what I will call, a substantial hindrance.Read More