It Happened in Iowa: Part VIII

It Happened in Iowa: Part VIII

I have found it unprecedentedly difficult to formulate the opening commentary to the following work. In fact this opening has been ever on my mind for two weeks now, and yet, I am still unsure of the words which should appear here. This is due to the nature of these openings. They are the fabric which binds together this series as a whole, or rather that is my intent for them.

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It Happened in Iowa: Part VII

It Happened in Iowa: Part VII

As mentioned before, I eventually worked up the courage to drive to Des Moines and try my hand at stand up. I think I performed at The Funny Bone, but I can not be sure for memory is fickle. Regardless, I do remember the open mic being held in a small side room. There was a bar in the back and tables in semicircle round stage. I paid the five dollar cover and tossed my name and number in the sign-up bucket. I grabbed a beer, and slumped down at an unoccupied table. The locals gathered around the bar. They laughed and chatted til the main event began. The MC brought up one terrible act after another. This included a nervous guitar player and a crazy old man who shouted about LSD, football, and everything between.

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It Happened in Iowa: Part V

As previously discussed, I spent very little of my time doing actual schooling at Iowa State. The majority of my time was spent drinking and obsessively watching stand up comedy. I have seen Ari Shaffir’s Passive Aggressive so many times I can quote it in full. I even tried my own hand at stand up. Well, sort of. I went to one stand up club meeting and they were all far to bland, ordinary and normal for my taste. I was hoping to find a group of wild no fucks given degenerates. Instead I found a classroom of engineering students editing each others stand up.

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It Happened in Iowa: Part IV

The following is entitled great sentences, however, it is little more than a manic compilation of drug fueled nonsense scribbled across a yellow legal pad. I have done my best to transcribe the mania below. Typically, when reading a work we read it for the content. That is not the case with this piece while the content is at times thought provoking, the primary reason for reading it is not to make sense of it, but rather to experience the state of mind I was in. It is for this reason that I have not polished the piece, but left it in a state of disjointed syntax insanity.

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It Happened in Iowa: Part III

It Happened in Iowa: Part III

At his point in my life I knew I was a degenerate, but I was not, a bad ass. I idolized the idea of being a degenerate. I wanted to embrace it so badly. I wanted to be a crazy druggy with crazy stories. I wanted to run from the police and set things ablaze. Yet, I played dungeons and dragons and said, ‘ablaze’ as opposed to ‘on fire.’ I remember one time when a cable guy was hooking up my modem and asked if I had a surge protector. I handed it to the pot bellied tech and said, “I foresaw such a need arising.” He look at me like I was the world’s most monumentally pretentious a-hole. I don’t mean the kind of rebel-without-a-cause-dunk-my-hairy-sack-in-your-beer-for-a-laugh kind of ass. No, his looked clearly said you-god-damn-hipster-a-hole. I badly wanted to be the love child of Ari Shaffir and Opie Winston, but in reality I was more like a depressed stoner Kevin Arnold, Cory Matthews hybrid. Despite my best efforts, I was only a part-time degen, and I knew it.

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It Happened in Iowa: Part I

It Happened in Iowa: Part I

Upon its origin the following piece was intended to be the introduction to a novella length memoir about my childhood life. I have repurposed it to serve as an introduction to this collection of memoirs and website as a whole. I feel it sets the appropriate tone for the stories to follow. It should be noted that in the following pieces I may speak in present tense about alcohol and drug consumption; this does not mean I am currently consuming drugs, but rather I was consuming such substances at the time when the piece was created. I feel this is necessary to point this out because, as later pieces will reveal, drug consumption developed into, what I will call, a substantial hindrance.

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